Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Moderation, Addiction And When To Say Enough Is Enough

Good morning everyone, I am happy to report that the 12 to 18 inches of snow never came. We are having snow flurries but should not amount to much.

Right now we are at McDonald's and drinking coffee, getting noisy with the high school kids coming in from school to have a lunch.

While I am here I am just spending time reading blogs and came across a posting on one of my favorite blogs on moderation. Be More With Less wrote on Moderation, Addiction and When to Say When. With it being lent many are giving up something for 40 days.

She shares her relationship with Alcohol. Mine is similar to hers in some ways. I grew up in a home where there was no alcohol at all because of religion I would think. As I started to get in my teen years I met husband number one who had a drinking problem and I was married to a practicing alcoholic. That is an experience I wish on no one. He eventually sobered up but then the other issues started. After almost 25 years I decided enough was enough.
That is when I was free to be me. I met new friends, drinking friends and that is when my drinking started. I never drank with husband number 1 hoping if I did not drink he may not drink. Boy did I make up for my years of not drinking. Twenty years of fun drinking, bar hopping, trips to casinos and Las Vegas and eventually it caught up with me.
I knew I had a problem for years. I even quit for 30 days once or twice. Eventually I would think I could control my drinking. There is no such thing as control to an alcoholic ( name your drug of choice, mine was alcohol.)
I truly believe God gave me a good kick in the pants the last night I drank. I got home after a night of drinking with friends , went out to feed the alley cats, stumbled or what ever and fell on my face. I missed a dumpster by an inch. That probably would of been the end of me if I had hit it with my head.
The next morning I woke up sore and with my pillow stained with blood. My hubby #2 said " I think it is time for you to stop drinking " What could I do but agree. I finally accepted that I had reached to bottom. That was the day I prayed, cried, threw out all alcohol and made the decicion to living One Day At A Time. I started going AA meetings at a woman's group and cried out my heart to these ladies.

The following is a comment I left over at Be More With Less

" There comes a time that it is important if we have an addicted personality to say Just for today I will not drink , smoke, over eat , gamble , over spend. What ever our addiction is it is important to say Just for today I will not. Thirty days is easy but when we live one day at a time is when you are really looking at your self and making true decisions of how you want to live.
Just for today I choose to not drink or smoke. I am addicted to both and they have done nothing but harm my life. I can handle being around others that drink or smoke but prefer to be with those that do not. Last night we stayed at my brother in law’s taking care of cats. Sitting on the counter was a 12 pack of beer. Boy a beer would be nice but I never had a beer or a glass of wine, I had several of them often.
There is no such thing as control, that is just putting off what you know you should stop doing.
I do not know if this makes sense but just for today I choose to not drink, smoke, use a credit card and I pray that tomorrow is the same as today and I am thankful yesterday was a good day."

I am thankful that I am not drinking or smoking but especially the drinking. If by sharing something very personal with any one who reads this and they look deep within themselves than it is worth it.
I am thankful for my husband #2 who has always encouraged me and walks with me through sobriety. He may not of had the problem I had but he is healthier every day he does not drink or smoke.

I continue to pray that just for today I continue my walk.


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